Maggie...I've got somethin to say to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ATTN: Content in today's blog is rated PG-13 for public intoxication and overall stupidity.

The morning started out like most others. Relaxing and blogging (in my case). Dad, Katlyn, Robb, Grandma and Grandpa walked down to a little coffee shop not far from the resort. When Mom and I got up we headed to the coffee shop with Brandon. We had delicious blueberry muffins and Fiji water. Yes, the same Fiji water that costs $4 a bottle in the us is $1.25 here.

Today we had decided to head into Nadi (pronounced Nandhi) to check out the town and show everyone else the market we had visited the day before. All of us (sans Bman and Lindsay) piled into the "limo" and took off. We parked the limo and began roaming the streets. Quite a sight, 10 American tourists taking up the sidewalk. So we decided to split up. Uncle George, Lisa and Alyssa headed one way and the rest of us headed toward a temple. While passing a shop Grandpa found a tank top he really liked, so we stepped in the shop. As we were entering a guy called out to Robb. Robb stayed behind despite my crazy "watch out and don't wander off alone in a foreign country" eyes and started talking to the guy. The dude explained that the shop we were perusing was an Indian shop, not a Fijian. There is a huge Indian population in Fiji and there are visible tensions between the races, but for the most part they live cohesively. So this man told us that he would show us to his shop. Dad took off with him with all of us in tow and he headed toward his shop. He took us inside and headed toward the back. I noticed the Kava bowl and my mind flashed to the tourism book I had just been reading in the car. Dad and Robb quickly put there shoes back on and we high tailed it out of there. I had been warned that people would attempt to have us drink kava with them, only to expect payment later.

Downtown Nadi

With that scam behind us, we headed to the Nadi handicraft market. It consisted of about 25 stalls with locals selling their wares inside. Most of them looked exactly the same, and here the racial tensions seemed apparent as well, with all of the Indian vendors setting up shop next to each other and the Fijians in a different section. After browsing and lightening our purses we headed toward the Sri Siva Subramaniya Temple toward the end of downtown Nadi where Uncle George, Lisa and Alyssa met us.

The handicraft Market

The temple is said to be the largest Hindu temple in the Southern Hemisphere. It is the most colorful building you have ever seen and is the biggest landmark in Nadi. We walked up to the temple, removed our shoes and headed to the kiosk to pay our entrance fee. We began to explore the temple. There were several smaller shrines with one larger shrine in the middle. Every ceiling was covered with elaborate and colorful paintings. They were truly beautiful. Despite being warned not to take pictures inside the temple, the management didn't realize that this was Jeffrey Maillo they were dealing with. For the 496th time, Jeffrey was caught breaking the rules and was chastised by the docent.

The back of the temple

In front of the temple

The ceiling

After the verbal lashing directed at Dad, the docent offered to give us a tour of the temple. He took us to each shrine explaining who the shrine was worshipping and the different forms of prayer that take place at each shrine. He even showed us the machine that calls everyone to prayer time that was donated by a local man from Nadi. After a few pictures, we took off in search of food. On a detour from food, we took a stroll through the local market showing Grandma and Grandpa the colorful and fragrant produce. Dad ate a small pepper on a dare and it burned his mouth off. You'd think that it would affect his speech but no such luck.

The gang outside of the market

We headed to a coffee shop called Bulaccino that we had heard good things about. There, we had a delicious lunch and Alyssa and I even had the special treat of a PINK CUPCAKE. It was no Sprinkles or Magnolia...but it'll do. We hobbled our way back to the car (after a stop at the supermarket to restock our TimTams [a delicious Aussie cookie] for the room) and headed back to the resort.

We returned around 4pm, changed quickly and headed out to the pool. We spent the rest of the time relaxing, reading and enjoying the sunset. We were serenaded and even played a round of "Name That Tune". We ordered drinks from Va, our favorite bartender and when dad asked her to surprise him she brought him a "Jeff's Special"...uh oh. When the sun was down we headed back to our rooms to freshen up then came back out for Happy Hour, or in Dad's case to watch "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", the outdoor movie for the night.

Happy Hour is when things started to get a little crazy. I was in the midst of one of the worst allergy attacks of my life, so I must admit that my recollections of the night are fairly limited. Dad and Uncle George started drinking Rum and Cokes and it all went downhill from there. Brandon and I attempted to drink along with them but fell by the wayside. Meanwhile, at the table next to us a group of about 6 kids from New Zealand were drinking and...get this...playing Acoustic guitar. Even in Fiji you can't escape it. You've seen the guy before, probably at a bonfire in Santa Cruz, who whips out his acoustic guitar and in between sips of Keystone Light he plays the three or four songs he knows....you've seen that guy, you know that guy, you may even be that guy...that guy.

It's kind of dark but you can see Jeff on the right, talking to that guy with the guitar

So a few Rum & Cokes later and the next thing I know, Jeffrey is over talking to these kids. They're asking what his favorite music is and he says with a pondering swagger "umm probably Eric Clapton" when one of the girls says [NZ accent] "OH PLAY THAT 'LOLA' SONG!!!"

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yep, that guy. I mean Cheese & Rice the song is called "Layla", it's in commercials and movies for god's sake. THE TITLE OF THE FRIGGIN SONG IS IN THE LYRICS!! After that snafu, Dad requests "Hotel California" and they couldn't even finish the first verse...c'mon Acoustic guitar guy! Change my mind! Don't be THAT GUY! After they headed off to the bar to take a shot I headed to bed to try and regain my nasal passages. So....for the rest of the story I have to take the word of the only survivor and witness....Bman.

It's like watching a car crash.

According to the Bman one shot followed another until Jeffrey was headed into a drunken oblivion. Every shot imaginable: vodka, tequila, rum...you name it, they drank it. So now at this point Jeff is pretty much falling over drunk. He attempts to buy a whole bottle of alcohol when Va, our favorite bartender, proceeds to cut him off. It was a $170 bottle of alcohol since they would charge him by "the nip". The kiwis are still hanging in there and are still smartly encouraging Jeff to drink some more. Va, still was passing drinks his way so the trip to Hangoverville continued. Jeffrey gave them a crash course on "American truck driver" vernacular and had them all saying things that made children and elderly women run for cover. At this point, Sam (one of the Kiwis who has a Rod Stewart like platinum blond haircut) suggests a skinny dipping fest;. Never the one to let opportunity pass, Jeff proceeds to remove his clothing and head into the pool. Literally. He misses a step and the ledge and falls into about a foot of water. See, the pool kind of gradually slopes down from the sidewalk, like the beach would. Before Bman could throw the life preserver, Security showed up and asked them to put their clothes back on and to please leave. Jeff proceeds to put his bathing suit on backwards, therefore necessitating the removal of said bathing suit just to right it.

Dad with Rod Stewart!! I mean...Sam.

Now is the part where my memory comes back in. I wake up to a pounding at the sliding glass door and St. Bman is holding my dad up with empty bottle in hand, cigarette dangling precariously from his lip. He walks him into the house and attempts to get him to bed. But, no no dear reader. Jeff will not go to bed. He wants to "stay up and party" (actual quote). The problem is now in Mom's hands as St Bman has gone home probably to volunteer with sick children or help old ladies cross the street. Mom, having experience with this creature of the drink, came out mid-sleep and tried to get him to get into bed. She entered the room, yelling "Why is your body wet, but not your shorts? GET INTO BED". But the beast could not be reasoned with. He wandered out the bedroom sliding door and onto the grass between the bungalows where he stumbled around for a few seconds and then fell over his own feet. He claims a ditch is responsible but the jury is still out. She finally reeled him back into bed and retired back to her own room. Several seconds later, Katlyn and Robb (who are sleeping on the Murphy bed in the living room) paralyzed with fear, hear the shuffle of his zombie feet and feign sleep. Yet again, Brenda must come to the rescue and with the experience of Steve Irwin must wrestle this unruly creature back to whence it came. With baited breath the inhabitants of F104 slowly drifted back into a restful slumber.

I am writing this the morning after and this morning Jeffrey is a sight. I'm fairly sure he is still intoxicated and he is limping around the resort. He has scrapes on both of his knees and has hurt his right foot. Did he party too hard? You be the judge...because Jeffrey is paying the price.